3 June 2003

     As of 3 June 2003, longtime business partners TuckLyne and Athena are no longer separate companies. The decision comes after many months of negotiations between TuckLyne CEO Christopher Tucker and Athena CEO Toph Tucker.
     Athena was actually started when Tucker, a former TuckLyne employee, took his business card idea to a new company. They had originally been marketed as a TuckLyne product in a deal lasting 5 months, but when it came time to renegotiate, talks between Tucker and the TuckLyne Executive Committee broke down. Tucker, in a fit of rage, started Athena on 16 September 2001.
     The economic downturn hit both companies hard, and Tucker and Tucker began their talks. They determined that there could be great cost-cutting benefits of a merger. Seeing as Athena has actually been more successful recently, Tucker used the opportunity to demand great power within the newly unified TuckLyne. Tucker and the rest of the TuckLyne Executive Committee were not sure they wanted a traitor in such a position, but they realized it was the only way the deal could go through. Tucker was adamant, and eventually got his wish.
     When asked what he's going to accomplish in these crucial first few months, Tucker said, "Well, I think I'll dissolve the Executive Committee. It took a lot a lot of work to get this deal, so I feel I should use the new power I have. Besides, what have they done for the company these past years since I left? Nothing. Literally NOTHING. Nada. ZIPO."
     When our correspondent asked Tucker what improvements should happen to provide that promised synergy, Tucker said, "Oh, I don't know. We've only made about $10 in the history of the company, so I don't see how anything could possibly get worse."
     A TuckLyne representative could not be reached for comment.
     Athena stock rose $4.24 to $0.01 in FAKEDAQ after-hours trading, while TuckLyne stock slid $21.99 to -$32.24.